Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
