i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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