I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize