Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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