i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
