So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
