Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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