You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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