Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
