Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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