Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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