Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
