I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
