Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
