And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize