That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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