No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
