I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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