My sheets look like a crime scene.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
