Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
