I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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