bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
