i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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