i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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