so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
