Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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