It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
