Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
