I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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