dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
