you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize