she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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