My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
