i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My ass is underappreciated
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
