oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
