Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
