Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
