New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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