i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I FOUND THE LEGS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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