Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
