he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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