so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
