DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
