i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
