my mouth tastes like poor choices
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
