You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
