My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
