He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
