I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
