What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
