she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
