I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did i walk over a car last night?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
