Will you blow on my dice?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
