lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
