She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
