Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
