Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
