Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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