Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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