just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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