Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize