You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want to make out with him forever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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