After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
